I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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