good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
