Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I faked an abortion last night.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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