Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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