Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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