let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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