New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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