Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
