Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
