everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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