so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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