My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
