The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
