sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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