Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
