It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
