it was like eating out sand paper
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
