you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
