gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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