My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
