So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
