Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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