i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we're making bets on your personal life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
