the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
