Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
