smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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