Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
