Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
