I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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