it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is my gift to your gina
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
