booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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