Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
