I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
too bad you live with your parents still
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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