Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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