Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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