Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
