I can text with my tongue
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
