i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
