Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
