Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
