Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
