I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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