i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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