I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
