the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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