so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
