I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
