Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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