I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
