Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
